he is a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. he has been known to remodel train stations on his lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. he translates ethnic slurs for cuban refugees, he writes award-winning operas, he manages time efficiently. occasionally, he treads water for three days in a row. he can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and can cook thirty-minute brownies in twenty minutes. using only a hoe and a large glass of water, he once single-handedly defended a small village in the amazon basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. when he’s bored, he builds large suspension bridges his yard. he enjoys urban hang gliding. on wednesdays he repairs electrical appliances free of charge.  years ago he discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. he has been caller number nine and has won the weekend passes.

he is my brother.