in limbo // it’s a place i am in. it’s a place that’s chancy. it’s mysterious. it’s a stage of instability. it’s intimidating. and a lot of the time it’s damn scary. not because where you’re at is per se bad. in fact where a person’s at in limbo is often just fine. but it’s scary because you don’t know what’s ahead. because you’re neither moving forwards nor backwards. because finally the decision of “what happens next” isn’t decided by society or your parents or by what classes you should take next semester or by someone else. it’s decided by you.
as humans we crave a certain amount of routine and structure and we need goals, direction and action to feel that our lives have meaning. routine and a sense of what’s normal have gone out the window for me this year and i’ve given myself that freedom in a chance to try to “figure it all out” but through it all i feel like i’m still waiting. i feel like there’s something more. and it’s a damn hard spot. to not know. being in limbo aches my insides. i can physically feel the inner stir of my guts when I think about this stuff. the sort of feeling that runs up your stomach into your neck and sits buzzing with a weird sort of squeeze.
truth is at this point of life the training wheels are off. i’m at the crosshairs of constantly being so thankful for what my life is but also knowing there’s something more out there. and even though photography gives me so many feels i know there’s something more. so, the gears have been turning in my head the past few months and some big ideas have taken form. i’m on the brink of what’s next but for now, while i’m in limbo, i’ll spend some time thinking. because not moving is sometimes ok too.
and why am sharing all this? because maybe some of you out there are feeling this “in limbo” jazz too. its always been my goal with social media to share that this, my life, is a story and if you follow me I want you to bring you along in my attempt to figure things out. this is a piece of that story.
photo of me by jared goertzen.